Stella is Drunk.

[Stella]

"Rayden..." she said his name softly cherishing the way it sounded on her lips. She leaned down and grabbed his maroon blanket pulling it up over legs. Carefully she slid back down into the bed snuggling down into his pillows and looking up at him.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to..." Stella said quietly rubbing her head against one of the pillows softly.

"But if you want to tell me... then I'll listen... " she looked up at him with a pretty smile, her eyes sparkling softly.

[raydensharpola]

He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked so innocent and pretty lying against his sheets and pillows, rubbing on them like a cat. This was the first time a girl was on his bed and he wasn't thinking about getting her naked, he respected Stella too much for that.

"You'll have to hear it sooner or later."He said, reaching for the picture and staring at it. It still brought back the melancholic haze whenever he did, and he had to face it everyday.

Rayden showed the picture to Stella. It was one of Clarice smiling brightly at the camera, taken on their first date.

"That's my ex-girlfriend." He said, nodding towards the picture. "She died of an illness a few years ago, and I didn't know about it. I was away on a mission cos I'd had a fight with her over a petty matter, and I didn't see her for months." His eyes glazed over with pain, and he couldn't look anywhere near Stella anymore, turning so that his back faced her.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye on her deathbed." He slid down from the bed, sitting on the floor with his knees brought up, hugging them to his chest. "And after that, my guilt didn't permit me to be in a relationship with any other girl. What right do I have to be in love when I hurt someone so much? So I just let myself drift among girls, never forming any kind of attachment." He rested his head between his knees, his voice becoming muffled. "But I can't do it anymore. I can't hurt yet another person I've come to care for. I can't live with myself if I ever did that to you."

[Stella]

"She's beautiful..." Stella said gazing at the picture as she felt her heart tighten uncomfortably. Carefully she let it fall from her hands to rest on the bed beside her. It felt so wrong for her to be touching it, for her to be laying here in his bed. Quickly she stood up her head spinning at the sudden movement. She stared at his back for a long silent moment.

"Do you still love her?" the words tore from her throat soft almost a whisper. She hated herself for asking because a large part of her didn't want to know.

[raydensharpola]

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't." He rose, turing to face her. "But I guess it fades with time, although it would never be really gone." He plucked the picture frame from the bed, placing it back to its original position. "But sometimes I feel that I've forgotten her face, my memories of her become less sharp. That's the reason I put her picture at my bedside." He drew in a deep breath, exhaling with a sigh. "Because if I forget her, it would be the greatest hurt I'd ever do to her. And it has come to the point where I can't seperate between the love and the guilt." He gazed helplessly at Stella. "I just don't know anymore."

[Stella]

How was she supossed to react to all of this? All she could do was gaze across the bed at him and take in the words he was saying. They struck her heart hard and deep. He looked so helpless there staring at her with those blue eyes.

"I'm so sorry Rayden... really... so very sorry..." she whispered knowing the words would hardly mean anything. Not against a hurt so very great. If only she had known.. she never would have kissed him.. she never would have started this. Her breath hitched in her throat and Stella began the familiar battle she always had with her tears.

She looked away from him gazing down towards the cup of hot chocolate biting her bottom lip hard.

"I'm going to go now... and you shouldn't try to stop me" Stella whispered not looking at him as she made her way towards the door, "Thank you for telling me... I think I understand now..."

[raydensharpola]

"You..." He sighed. He knew once he told her, she would back off. It was the other reason he didn't get involved too deeply. No girl wanted to hear this kind of thing, but he'd rather it be made known now than to be in a relationship with someone he cared, and then hurt them.

"Would it be selfish if I asked you to wait for me?" He blurted at her retreating back. He had let down his defenses for Stella. He didn't want her to leave, but maybe it would be better if she didn't stay. They might just end up hurting each other.

"I guess it would." He resigned himself to his fate. This was his punishment. He shouldn't have given himself hope. "I just thought..I could stop this kind of life."

She was still trying to leave. And didn't want him to stop her.

"Stella." He said hoarsely. "Even if it's a short time, you've filled some of the emptiness in me. I thank you for that."

[Stella]

She paused at the door a perfect picture of sadness as she stands there gazing down at the floor. This evening had gone from bad to worse in a matter of moments. He had been so understanding with her and now here she was unable to contain all these emotions she was feeling. She hated herself.

"I would wait for you Rayden... I would wait for you forever... But I'll never be her..." The words tore through her painful and full of hurt. She didn't want to say them but found she was unable to control herself.

"Maybe I'm over reacting... Maybe I'm being selfish... but I don't know how comfortable I am sharing your heart with anyone... even a girl from your past... It doesn't sound like you could truly give it to me in any case..." she carried on taking another step towards the door. Hyne, she didn't want to go but she had to. Pull yourself together Stella. You can handle this.

"Good night, Rayden" she said her body straightening, her eyes growing hard, "Thank you for being so kind, I'm sorry to have woken you. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow"

She escaped out the door into the hall of the Garden. People would be waking up soon going out for their morning jogs and workouts. She started to move faster, her feet pounding on the stone, needing to put some distance between herself and him. She didn't even care that she had left her shoes behind.