Worth a Thousand Words

[Stella]

After the meeting, before the mission.

---

Stella’s room at the nobleman hotel was bigger then her dorm room back at the Garden had been. It was so much bigger and much lonelier. As she looked around it she couldn’t help but think of the things she had lost. Her mothers dress that she had worn to the ball, diaries, photos, drawings. At least she had most of her art supplies with her while she had been on vacation with Rayden. Being here alone in the spacious room just made her feel more closed in and more alone.

That wasn’t the main reason she was leaving it behind though. She had a little something for Rayden and tonight would be the best night to give it to him. In fact tonight might be the last chance she had if things on the mission didn’t go well. Stella shook herself mentally, this was no time to start being pessimistic about missions. But she was more scared now about this mission then she had ever been about any that had come before and maybe just maybe part of the reason why was because of him.

She moved slowly down the hallway clutching her sketch book in her hands glancing from side to side at the numbers on the doors. This place was huge. A girl could get lost if she didn’t know where she was going. Luckily enough she knew which room was his and managed to find it eventually.

Glancing down she looked over her new battle gear. For a moment she had thought about wearing something else but truth was she didn’t have much else here. At least the old style military jacket looked fantastic on her. Clearing her throat she raised her hand and rapped on the door lightly before letting herself in.

She had to admit that she felt a bit scared. That her heart was beating quite quickly in her chest. But she shoved that all aside and tried to smile, for him.

“Rayden?” she called out softly closing the door behind her.

[waterlily43]

Rayden emerged from the bathroom at the sound of Stella calling for him. His upper body was bare, the result of throwing off his shirt after it became stained with the hot coffee he had ordered from room service. A patch of red skin near his six pack indicated the place where the coffee had been spilled, the shirt laying soaked in the bathtub.

"Yes Babes?" He asked surprised but pleased to see her. "You reconsidering the proposition to share rooms? The offer still stands." He grinned, looking down at the sketchbook in her hands. He raised a quizzical eyebrow at her but said nothing with regard to it.

[Stella]

"You never know I just might be" she said playfully glancing over his bare chest a small smile coming to her lips. It wasn't the first time she had seen him without a shirt and she knew it wouldn't be the last. But every time no matter how hard she tried to resist it she had to admit he looked hot.

"Shirtless huh? You must have known I was on my way" Stella said as she crossed the room. It looked exactly like the room she had been assigned but various articles of Rayden were scattered about the room. Carefully she sat down on the edge of his bed resting the sketch book carefully on her lap.

"So the reason I'm here" she took a deep breath, "is that I have something for you. Don't get too excited, it's just a little present"

[waterlily43]

"Oh, let's just say I'm always prepared for opportunities that present themselves." Rayden smirked at her. "I don't believe for a second that it is so easy to resist that kind of proposition." His expression softened his eyes following the sketchbook at her lap. He had been with her "long" enough to know that this would be a gift that he couldn't buy anywhere else with all the gil in the world.

/Well...that would be obvious. If you hadn't caught on by now you're obviously more than a little dense./

Rayden unjunctioned Ariadnialla and went to sit down beside Stella, the addition of his weight adding a slight sink to the mattress. He looked at her face attentively, a gentle smile lifting his lips.

"I would cherish anything you give me, especially if it's something you've created yourself." He lifted his arm and brought her closer to him, imprinting a small kiss on her forehead. "Can't blame me if I'm a little excited about it. Yay!" He bounced on the bed like a little kid with full reign in a toy shop.

[Stella]

She took a deep breath her body tingling all over when he touched her. There was just something about him that sent her blood racing. It was such a great feeling. They were sitting very close together now and part of her doubted that she could actually go through with this. But here she was sitting next to him, sketch pad in hand, and it was too late now.

"So I tend to draw things I want to remember... you know my family" she rushed over those two words quickly not wanting to think about it too much, "places I've been, people I've met... that sort of thing"

Stella flipped through the sketch book quickly trying not to look up at him. Pages flipped by revealing pictures of Balamb Garden, of their battle with Adel, of a few of the team members and quite a few pictures of Rayden himself. Finally she found the page she was looking for towards the back of the book, one of the few sketches fully colored and completed.

It was in perfect detail a drawing of the picture of Clarice that used to sit next to his bed in Balamb Garden. She assumed it was at the bottom of the ocean now with the rest of their things. Of course he could have thrown the picture in his bag when they left for their vacation but she hadn't seen it. Rayden hadn't mentioned it but she figured he had to be sad about losing it.

"I know that your picture can't be replaced but I thought this might be pretty close. You said the worst thing you could ever do was forget her... so I thought I would draw this for you to remember her with" Her voice was quiet and hesitant as she looked down at the picture resting in her lap.

"So I just wanted you to have this..." she carried on as she carefully tore the page out of the book and handed it to him.

[waterlily43]

Rayden stared at the picture Stella had torn from her sketchbook. He looked up at her face, lost as a child in the woods, then took it with trembling hands he couldn't still.

It was in perfect likeness to the one he had beside his bed. No, it was perfect, period. What had been running through her while she had been drawing it? He had no idea but this was not something an ordinary girl could do. Of course she is far from ordinary. Another lesser girl would've been relieved that the one momento he had of Clarice had sunk to the oceans but not her.

She had probably assumed he had lost it and she had been right. Although he had never mentioned it somehow she must've noticed or guessed. And she had remembered what he had said so many nights ago.

He set aside the drawing carefully beside him. And engulfed her in a tight embrace, words failing him entirely.

[Stella]

She had fretted for days about this. Gone over and over in her head about how the conversation might go down. Considered what she might say and how he might react. There were a million things she had thought he might say but silence was not one she was expecting. It was almost torture the way he just looked up at her with that lost look in his eyes. His hands were trembling as he held the drawing.

Next thing she knew she was in his arms, crushed agaisnt his chest. At that moment she couldn't think of a single place where she would rather be. She slipped her arms around his waist and returned the embrace breathing in deep the sent of him. After their date in Deling she had learned silence from Rayden was probably a very good thing. Maybe she had done something right here.

"I hope this means you like it...." she said her voice soft as it trailed off.

[raydensharpola]

"Of course I like it." His voice came out weak. He had trouble controlling it so that it wouldn't choke on his words. "Thank you. This is the best gift I've ever received." He was still holding her, a little more loosely now. He was afraid he would crush her if he let the full force of his emotions show in that hug.

"I wish there was something I could give you in return but nothing I can give will ever come close to this.' He murmured into her ear kissing it softly. "And it's not just the drawing, Stell. It's the heart you put into it. I know it's gotta be difficult trying to draw someone who's taken up a space which could've been yours. But I promise you that you haven't lost an inch of that space. If possible you have increased it."

[Stella]

Her throat seemed to contract getting tighter as he spoke. Even though she really wanted to she had a hard time believing his words. No matter how much she tried to understand it she would probably never be one hundred percent okay with how he felt about Clarice. Sometimes just thinking about his former love's name sent a stab through her heart.

Regardless she had come to terms with it. It was a fact, something that she could not change no matter how hard she tried. She thought if she did rail agaisnt it Rayden would respond badly and she might even lose him and that scared her. She wasn't used to that feeling. This wasn't some fling she could toss away after a night in bed. They were actually in a relationship and the longer it went on the more that seemed to sink in.

And truth be told the whole situation scared her. Not just the fact that he still felt something for someone else but because she cared so much. She didn't know if it was possible for them to have a future together or if she was even capable of falling in love again. But she did know that this was what she wanted here and now and she wasn't ready to give it up.

She had spent ages on that picture. Every line had been like a slice to her heart. Part of her still didn't know why she had done it. Why she was here giving it to him. Most girls would never be this understanding. Sometimes she wished she was the type that would be pleased he had lost the treasured memento. However if she was that kind of girl she probably wouldn't be here in his arms right now.

Her heart was a tangle of emotions and she was afraid to let them spill out so she carefully locked them away in an almost practiced manor. He would never see her tears. She didn't want him to know what she was feeling right now. Hell, she didn't really want to know herself.

She put on a little smile and looked up at him. Tentatively she reached a hand up and smoothed his hair away from his face. In all the time she had known him she had never seen such emotion in his eyes. If it was possible they looked even more beautiful then normal.

"It's nothing, just a drawing..." she said softly letting her smile widen, "I don't expect anything in return"

[waterlily43]

He returned her smile with a little one of his own.

"It isn't just a drawing." He took the hand she had lifted to his hair and brought it to his lips, pressing them against the centre of her palm, murmuring against her skin as he spoke. "It's far more than that to me. It's like...a piece of your heart and I am hesitant to accept it cos I don't know if I deserve to be holding such a precious thing in my hands. I'm so afraid of somehow damaging it." He lifted away from her hand to look back into her eyes holding him enraptured with their soft light. "And I never had any doubts you were a special girl before, but you have opened my eyes yet again. It makes me so scared sometimes..."

That I would lose you...

[Stella]

"It makes me so scared sometimes..." his voice was wonderful and she drunk every word in like an addict. But there was that word again summing up exactly what they both were feeling. Scared. They were both scared. Sometimes she had to remind herself just who he had been before they got together. Rayden the womanizer. This was all new to him too. She thought of Clarice and shook her head a little unable to resist a frown, well mostly all new.

She moved in closer to him burying her face in his neck so she didn't have to look into his eyes anymore. The emotion was burning away at her. There was so much feeling between then right now she was afraid it was going to tear them both to tiny little pieces. Stella squeezed him tight taking in a deep breath before settling back so she could look at him again.

"Can I stay here tonight?" she asked slowly, carefully.

[waterlily43]

He smoothed her hair in long strokes planting a small kiss on the top of her head. For a fleeting moment he thought she was crying into his neck causing a small frisson of alarm but then there was no dampness on his skin immediately dismissing that as a figment of his imagination. Or was it? Maybe she was just keeping it from him. Was he affecting her with his own display of emotion? The tightness of the squeeze she was giving him somehow gave credibility to his apprehension. He berated himself. Was it not enough that he couldn't find it in him to suck it up like a man, he had to affect her as well?

Her next question, although slow in its coming and presentation, still managed to catch him offguard. His heart started pumping harder as if pushing him to say 'yes'. A slow grin spread over his lips fully before he formed a reply.

"You can stay with me any time you want, babes." He grabbed her and reciprocrated her hug nearly crushing her against him. "That's the special priviledge of being Raydie's girl."

[Stella]

Slowly she raised an eyebrow. Was he joking at a time like this? It made her feel a little bit offended, a little bit hurt. Her heart was spread on that paper lying behind him on the bed. Hours of agony and even some tears. How did he manage to make her feel so helpless yet so alive at the same time? It was almost too much for her to bear. She was a storm of feelings with no center calm to hide in. Sometimes she hardly realized she was feeling anything at all. Numbness was something she had experienced all too often and at times it settled over her like a shroud without her permission.

"Yeah I thought it might be okay if I stayed" she said lamely as she stood up. After all what guy in their right mind turns down a night with a girl like her. She was gorgeous, confident and experienced. All things most guys wanted to find in a woman. She smiled at him and gently lifted up the picture looking at it for a long moment. Feelings threatened to boil over. She had to look away. Carefully she set it on a table near by.

Maybe he was just trying to lighten the conversation, make things a little tense between the two of them. But she was caught up in the tailspin of emotions she was experiencing and couldn't seem to tell which way was up. Her pain and confusion threatening to take her over, to drive her down into old habits and old ways. Back to nights filled with liquor, cigarettes, and men. But that's exactly what she needed. She needed a night where emotions weren't driving her every action. A night to lose herself in pleasure and passion, to not think about what she was feeling. Before all those one night stands hadn't been with people she cared about. This time she was giving herself to someone who had some control over her. It was dangerous and she liked it.


"I'm done being a good girl, Rayden" she said in a husky voice her eyes glimmering as she slowly unbuttoned her jacket. She shrugged it off and draped it lazily over an arm chair. She crossed the room in a few long steps and put her hands on his shoulders. His bare skin was hot against her hands making her fingers tingle. Licking her lips she pushed him down onto the bed. She fell on top of him, sealed the space between their lips and gave him a long, heated kiss. Every movement was the slow art of seduction even though she knew it wasn't needed. Not with him.

She would stay here tonight.

They would have sex.

And tomorrow she would feel better... about everything.