Chrysanthemums

[Lex]

What I'm doing here is similar to what I did with Reese... this is basically supposed to be what happens with Zacke from the time he is dismissed in Xu's office, to the time he crash-lands in Adel's ebil tower thing XD I'm hoping to kinda fill in the gaping plot holes in regards to the boys x.x

I'm gonna go ahead and start it now and then add more posts as I write more, instead of writing it all and then posting in one big chunk like I did with Reese. And I'm going to make a big effort to update as frequently as I can. I'll do it in a series of scenes. Zacke was actually conscious for his week or so of absence, unlike Reese, so Zacke's will probably have to get longer ^^;

---

Chrysanthemums

Zacke stepped out into the hallway, his heart already thumping madly in his chest. Bad news… ?

He met face-to-face with Counselor Trepe almost as soon as he shut the door behind him. “Mercutio,” she gave a nod of acknowledgement. Her tone came across somehow softer than he’d ever heard it before.

“What did Xu mean when she said ‘Bad news?’” Zacke asked hesitantly, his mind swimming with the possibilities of what those two words could mean.

Trepe didn’t say much, staying ahead of him a step or two and facing forward. “I have the Deling District 2 Hospital on the phone in my office.”

He swallowed, his eyes darting around, his mind sifting through all the frenzied thoughts he was having. How could her health suddenly decline, just out of nowhere? Had the hospital done something wrong?

They came to a stop in front of the Counselor’s door and she let him inside. “Go ahead and take a seat at my desk. The hospital is on hold--just hit ‘Line 1’ and pick up the receiver. I’ll let you have some privacy for this.” she offered a small smile and stepped out, shutting the door softly.

Maybe that smile was meant to be comforting, but it was really anything but. Especially coupled with the fact that she felt he needed privacy to take this call. He looked down at the phone and the blinking red ‘Hold’ light, feeling very shaky and slightly nauseated. Slowly, he lifted the receiver and hit the blinking button.

“This is Zacke Mercutio.” his voice came out quiet and slightly hoarse.

“Zacke,” It was a woman on the other line. He recognized her voice; she was one of Cleo’s regular nurses. Most of them called him by his first name, he was at the hospital so often. “We’re terribly sorry we haven’t been able to contact you sooner. Headmistress Xu told us you were unavailable last night,”

“Why have you had to contact me at all? What’s going on with Cleo?” he interrupted anxiously.

“I’m very sorry Zacke… Cleo passed last night.”

Time froze for that split second, and Zacke’s heart became lead. His voice caught completely in his throat, whatever he was about to say getting choked off. Finally, he managed, “What?”

“Her organs began to shut down unexpectedly. We were unable to save her.”

Zacke’s blue eyes drifted around the room focusing on nothing specific, wide and stricken with shock. He desperately tried to wrap his mind around what he had just heard. No…

“This must be hard for you. Please realize, we did everything we possibly could have done for her. And you, you did everything for her you could have. Perhaps it was just her time to meet with Hyne.”

He was barely listening to the voice on the other end of the line. He had the phone cradled in one hand, his other hand against his forehead and buried in his hair, supporting the weight of his head. How could this have happened? Why… ?

“I have to go,” he said suddenly. “I’m sorry,”

“Don’t apologize, I understand completely.” the woman’s voice was soft and sympathetic. “She has been moved to the Deling Funeral Home. You are her only remaining relative, I take it you will be planning her ceremony?”

“Yeah, of course,” he was breathless, mind still reeling. “I’ll fly out as soon as I can. Thank you.” he managed awkwardly, and before the woman had the chance to say anything more, he placed the receiver back down onto the console.

He sat back in the chair and stared at the flat, shiny surface of the desk. At this point in time, he was aware of nothing around him. His vision glazed over and he swallowed, seeing nothing, hearing nothing.

“… Cleo passed last night.”

He felt like his whole life had just been violently ripped away from him. Just like the night of the accident. He felt empty.

Not again. he pleaded. Not again.

She had been everything. If his life had a center, his little sister was it. She was the reason he’d joined Garden. She was what pushed him from just being a mediocre SeeD to an exceptional one. He had to pay those bills and keep her alive, because she was going to live. The doctors never said things looked good for her, but he knew they were wrong… she would live. She had to live, she was all he had left. She was his last thread of hope, and since the night he lost his parents, he’d been foolishly holding onto that thread for dear life.

Not this.

He held his head in his hands and rested his elbows on the desk. He lived looking forward to the day he would see her smiling again. What did he have to look forward to now?

He stood abruptly and made for the door, dazed and unstable. He had to get out of here. Get moving, reach her. Turning the knob, he stepped out into the hall. He could hear voices a little ways down the hall, and glanced their way. He recognized immediately Stardust’s hair. The group was converging outside Xu’s office.

“You’re relieved of your duty, Mercutio.” Counselor Trepe pulled his attention away from them. “We have an airship ready for you in the Transport Garage, whenever you’re ready to depart.”

He nodded mutely, glancing back down the hall one final time before shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and following Trepe down the hall.

---

If you want to reply to this, go ahead. Feel free to post in between the scenes I'll be posting, I don't mind at all! ^_^ I would love the commentary, actually.

[waterlily43]

OMG I just want to say "Poor Zackie" And I can't wait to read the other parts!

And haha Stardie's hair distracted him XD

[ani]

MUST.WRITE.MORE!

[Lex]

“What are you drawing?”

He stared out the window of the small Balamb Garden airship.

”Nothing -- Cleo, you’re getting in my light!”

“We’re landing soon, Mercutio.” the SeeD pilot said over his shoulder. It was a small ship.

The silence of the cockpit was strange and uncomfortable. It had been a while since the last time he was alone like this. A month, maybe? Not since the mission started, that’s for sure. And right now, to be alone with his thoughts… he didn’t really want it.

The pilot was true to his word, and the aircraft soon made a landing at the Deling International Airpad.

Zacke grabbed the duffel bag containing the clothes and items he’d had in his dorm. Since he was only a temporary transfer student out of Galbadia Garden, he hadn’t had much to pack up back at Balamb. He hoisted the bag up from the seat next to his and carried it down the aisle, managing a slight nod of thanks at the pilot before stepping down and out.

The skyline was a brilliant array of red and purple hues, the sun setting and the familiar Deling dusk slowly taking over. A pleasant breeze moved his hair slightly. He sighed and lifted the strap of the bag to rest over his shoulder, starting out across the airpad and toward town.

[Lex]

“Come on,” he mumbled under his breath, standing in the gutter, watching yet another cab pass him by. He was located right outside the Bastila, which was one of Deling’s more decent hotels, situated right against Deling’s main street. He’d just finished checking into a room for the night and dumping his things off there.

This probably isn’t the best place to be trying to get a cab.

He hopelessly raised an arm out and waved as another cab passed him by.

Then again, where in this congested town is a good place to catch a cab?

Another cab came rolling down the opposite side of the street. Tired and just not in the mood to be courteous, he bolted from the curbside out into the street. Weaving through traffic was easy enough--the streets were moderately crowded and he was able to slip between the slow-moving cars unscathed. That didn’t stop a few of them from honking at him. Sorry, don't care. he thought apathetically.

The cab slowed as he crossed in front of it, slowly his pace down to more of a stride. The driver looked slightly annoyed. He came around to the passenger side and knocked on the window. The cab had slowed to a stop and was now holding up traffic because of him.

He fumbled with his wallet for a second. “SeeD,“ he said, despite the rolled-up window. He flashed his identification card.

The driver finally looked convinced that Zacke was safe and worth his time, and unlocked the backseat passenger door. Zacke hastened inside and shut the door. “Here,” he placed a folded and pinned wad of gil notes down on the center console of the vehicle. “That’s 5,000. Count it if you think you need to. You’re my driver for the rest of the night, yeah?”

The man behind the wheel lifted the wad with one hand and glanced between it and the road briefly. Zacke watched him. He could tell the man was slightly impressed, only he didn‘t want to show it. “Alright kid, time is money, fair ‘nough.” he finally said.

Zacke nodded. “Thought so.” he looked out the street, watching the pedestrians move along beside them and gradually pass from view. “Take me uptown. San Hannah street.”

[Lex]

"Aghh! I can’t do ’e’! I can’t do it!”

“Cleo, calm down, it’s not that different from ’c’… look.“

“Can you do the rest for me like that?”

“… Yeah, just don‘t get all excited and blabber about it to mom and dad, okay?”

“What’s a ‘blabber?’”

Zacke cleared his throat slightly. “This one--2939.”

The car rolled to a halt alongside the curb. Zacke peered out the window, up at the house across the yard directly next to him. It was old but charming, two stories high. Light blue wooden slats supported a dark roof that peaked high. A few wind chimes hung from the eve overhanging the front porch area. The grass was nice and green, and one great tree dominated the yard. Someone had left the sprinkler out in the middle of the lawn.

Whoever lived there now was taking very good care of the place. He guessed it was probably a family. This neighborhood was kind of a ‘family’ area.

His eyes settled on the garden that lay just beyond the porch. Some of the blossoms were unfamiliar, but he took little notice of those. The one thing he did notice--mixed in with all those other colors--the brilliant orange and yellow of his mother’s chrysanthemums. He wasn’t so sure why the sight gave him such a rush, but he couldn’t pry his eyes away from them.

“You gonna get out?” The driver’s voice momentarily distracted him from his reverie. He stared at the orange flowers impassively, not wanting to be distracted.

“My teacher said on Balentime’s Day, girls like flowers.”

“It‘s ‘Valentine’s Day.’”

“Mama is a girl! Help me pick flowers!”

“Cleo, where are you--”

“These!”

“Cleo no! Mom works hard to make those grow! You’re not supposed to pick them.”

“They’re pretty!”

“Cleo! Stop--I don’t want--”

“Mama look! Zackie got Balentime’s Day flowers for you!”

“Oh, Zackery--sweetie…”

There was a knot developing in his throat, and he was working hard at keeping it in check. He hadn’t been here since the day of the accident.

“Are you waiting for someone?”

He glanced at the driver briefly. “… No.” he finally said. He cleared his throat. “Go ahead and drive me back to the Bastila.” He wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t even thirsty. He didn’t care do to much of anything. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like he would have need of a driver for the rest of the night.

His gaze on the house didn’t waver as the car pulled away from the curb.

Finally, with the house almost out of view, he broke the stare and looked down into his lap. He still felt as if he were living in a really bad dream. None of it felt real. His mind and heart still wanted to tell him she was back at that hospital, she was still being kept alive. There was still a chance. How could there not be a chance?

It was as if the whole infrastructure of his life had just fallen apart right in front of him, with nothing of a path left for him to cling to and follow. This feeling of not knowing where to go, what to do… not having anyone to derive some small measure of comfort from… truly alone, and truly lost. He’d never felt it before. And the feeling was just starting to sink in.

[waterlily43]

This is such a tearjerker I wonder how many times I can say "poor Zackie" without sounding like a broken robot.

[ani]

I finally got to reading this and I think if Zacke was a real person, I probably would want to hug him tight. This fic just put a lump on my throat. -_- It's so sad, but that's what makes it beautiful.

[Lex]

Zacke sat down at the edge of the stiff hotel mattress.

He’d just spent the majority of his day planning out her funeral. It was to commence tomorrow afternoon.

He’d be the only one there.

He held his head in his hands, his sifting through his thoughts, hoping he had covered everything. The people at the funeral home had been great about working with him, but he had only himself to rely on when it came to all the decisions. The casket, flowers… there wouldn’t even be a eulogy, who would he speak to, himself? No music. No real procession. No priest. Just a few minutes for his goodbyes, and then they’d lower her down. It was hardly a funeral, but with him being the only attendee, so many of the otherwise “normal” things just seemed unnecessary. He could have gone the direct-burial route and just visited her gravesite at his discretion, but then, part of him wanted to see her one last time, without all the tubes and machines around her…

The whole day had made him feel even more alone than he already felt.

He glanced at the phone sitting on the bedside table, and briefly considered dialing the number of the cell-phone Xu had given the team. Maybe he should tell them? It was almost ten o’clock at night right now, they’d probably be eating a late dinner or turning into a hotel for the night, if they weren’t at Garden. He could talk to Jun… maybe even Blaze would put up with him for a short conversation.

Don’t lie to yourself. he thought bitterly. They could be anywhere, doing anything… there’s no telling where they are. You have no right to interrupt the mission with this.

He sighed, staring between his fingers down at the carpet. He stood suddenly and made for the shower.

[Lex]

The car slowed to a halt. He peered out the window at the countless rows of headstones, gray markers standing in dull contrast to the vibrant grass and bright colored flowers. The early-afternoon sun shown brightly--cheerily, almost.

The cemetery rested on a knoll that sort of overlooked the city from the outskirts. It was the same cemetery his parents had been buried in. The lot for her, he’d bought right beneath theirs.

“Here,” he said, handing gil notes up to the cab driver from the back seat. “Thank you.”

“My condolences.” the woman replied quietly.

“Yeah… thanks.”

He stepped out of the cab and shut the door softly behind him. He wore his Galbadian SeeD uniform, dark and pressed. He’d traded out his worn black boots for a much cleaner and nicer pair. He held in his left hand a bouquet of orange chrysanthemums. He took in a deep breath of air and started up the sidewalk path, leading him to an opening in the wrought-iron gate that surrounded the cemetery.

Am I ready for this?

He stepped through the opening in the gate. He could see, situated some several dozen yards from where he stood, her casket suspended over what was to be her gravesite. His chest felt heavy, his breathing shortened and weak. Every step was becoming harder and harder as he followed the central cobblestone path through the rows of headstones.

He tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. His grip around the orange bouquet tightened a little as he approached the casket. It was a beautiful piece, white with a silver steel trim around all sides and flower décor at every corner. Beautiful to him, anyway. He was completely alone, standing maybe a dozen feet away, finding his legs unwilling to allow him to approach.

Cleo…

He felt so heavy. So old. Foreign to himself. He’d been forced to grow up so much. Put his sister up in a hospital, join Garden and make it as a SeeD. It was that same feeling again now, all over, of being forced to let go of childish perceptions and change the way he lived his life.

Looking down at the bouquet in his hands, he sighed wearily.

Finally he mustered up the strength to close the space between him and his sister. Her casket was half-open, revealing her entire torso and face. His gaze moved down and rested on her. For once, her lips weren’t parted by tubes. Her arms lay folded over her abdomen, free of wires and needles and tape. Her hair rested about her head, soft, light-brown and wavy. She wore a light-blue sleeveless dress with an ornate collar. Something he’d had to buy just yesterday--she had been in hospital gowns since she was thirteen. Her eyes were closed, her face perfectly serene.

A sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips. The sight was sweet and painful at the same time. She looked almost as if she could be sleeping. He reached down and brushed her cheek lightly with his fingertips, then pulled his hand back and rested it on the side of the casket.

“I love you.” he whispered quietly.

He brought up the chrysanthemums and placed them gently down on the surface of the closed portion of her casket. Placing both his hands on the edge of it now, he looked down at her.

“I guess we both tried hard, right?” he mumbled. “It’s a good thing, though… now you can rest.”

He stared down at her a few moments longer. The soft breeze moved his hair slightly. He could hear Deling traffic in the distance and smell the flowers around him, most prominently the bouquet he’d brought--the chrysanthemums. He had thought he might talk to her a little more, but now that he was here and in the moment, he found himself at a loss for words.

Looking down at her, the loss was really sinking in for him. He had been without her for six years, since he was fifteen years old. But she hadn’t died. Nothing had been final.

Now everything was final. He was alone, and that wasn’t going to change. And here he stood, mourning not only the loss of her, but the loss of hope as well. The loss of everything he had lead himself to believe in.

His hand brushed over hers, and he let it rest there for a moment. Despite how much she’d grown, he’d grown as well, and her hands were still so soft and small to him. Pale, now. He swallowed hard, feeling his emotions start to unravel.

“You‘re in my thoughts, always, baby sister.” he said to her quietly. He touched her cheek lightly once more, before withdrawing it and taken a small step backward. He reached up and grasped the edge of the casket door and pulled it down slowly. It clicked into place quietly.

He stepped backward once, twice, folding his arms and staring silently. Finally, he turned and made for the waiting cab.

[Lex]

The drive back to his hotel was silent and somber. He stared down at his hands in his lap, completely absorbed by his thoughts and exhausted by his emotions. He had absolutely no idea where to go from here, what to do.

He cared little about eating, or anything else, and made right for his room. He didn’t bother to turn on the light as he stepped inside. He shut the door behind him and stood there for a moment, looking into the room but at nothing in particular. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, and the small light slipping through cracks between the curtains became sufficient enough to navigate.

He stared at the bed, feeling almost lost. Perhaps now, at this moment in time, the past few days had finally sunken in. He felt a knot welling up inside his throat, and this time he didn’t care to suppress it. His chest was physically hurting, his breathing shallow and uneven, his vision a blur. He made his way across the room and lowered himself onto the bed.

What now… ?

His jaw ached as he stared up at the ceiling. He felt a tear slide down the side of each temple. And then, it was as if that little breach in his defense broke him completely. Zacke slowly rolled over, folded his arms over the pillow, turned his face into them, and sobbed.

---

I actually had to try really hard not to cry when I wrote this. I guess I'm just emotional. -_-

[waterlily43]

It's so sweet and achy at the same time *hoover dam breaks*

[Lex]

ahh thank you.

[ani]

Awww man -_-;; Zacke beside Cleo's casket makes me want to cry. Now he's all alone. This was a great sidestory. It fills in all the holes about him. >___< *HUGGLES ZACKE*

[Lex]

thankies!

It's not over yet! I still have to get him from here, back to Galbadia, and then into that ship he crashes >D

but yeah, it made me wanna cry too x.x